going further ....

It took me a wile since I desided to write something more, and hoply it will be usfull for somebode?;-)

Few words to say ... some thought that are much on my mind recently :
-calling,
-lonlyness
-strugling

i don't even know if it is a right time to write, probobly not..
but .. doesn't matter ..

Recently I have been staying with my great sister in Christ ... her name is Emilia.
What to say about her ?;-)
She is an amaizing person, stright as string :-) in a good way , ment ofcours..
all what she is doing all what she is saying is just simply amaizing.
She has a lot to do with flowars and other plants, cos she creat gardens - for example.
She is extrimly humble, loving person.. sharing her love ( while sharing chocklate for ex.:-')

She kind' a shows me what does it mean to be christian in a daily life.
She in CONSTANT , if you now what I mean, she is exacly the same at home and out side, and she is realy wise person.
I see Gods glory reflecting through her life in a beaty of her being and understanding Gds love, word and so on.
I realy appriciate all she has done to me and the way she was helping me .. .

Have you ever had that kind of filling that ther is allmost no one you can talk to and there is almost no one who can realy understand ?
I was going through very many bad circumstancys recently : sickness, lonlyness harder to stand than before ... bad decisionc. time of dying... but in all this circumstances I could realy see Gods love and care, even if that was more harder love .. love that tries to teach, love that is not saing "yes " every time we wanna do something, but insted is rather saying "no" and it is hard it is realy hard.

All my best efforts to find a job, was kind of a going down of the hill. What was never like this beafor. It made me think that maybe thi is exacly something that I should devote, mayby my dream of stabile work in a stabile "american" company for example is just a My dream, and not God...

Many people I meet ask me if I am still singing and playin, and I'm sayin no == cos thats how it is now. All that was .. like fee bands I was related to in some organic way stopte their existants, so wat can I say ..
Somebody sad , no with song but with heart. I am not if you know what I mean in to "carier " or somethin, I'm just trying to figure out, what to do next, how to make things clear and easy.
It is painfull when you are loosing your live - but maybe it means that I wiil get something new . new live ? ;-)

thanks for reading If you did that .
Much love .

julita